My 2-Step Process For Releasing Post Self-Tape Frustration

I got teary-eyed a few times these past few weeks.

As you may know, I got choked up while sharing my very vulnerable story about growing up with shame, anxiety + around mental illness (and how it has all shaped the work I do with actors). Click here to watch “I Grew Up Deeply Ashamed (And Other Reasons Why I Do This).

I cried again reading your beautiful responses and how sharing my story helped you to realize not only are you not alone, but that it’s okay to share your vulnerability and your pain as well. 

Your deepest pain can become your greatest gift,
if you can face it, feel it and heal it.  

I hope you now know, we are all in this together.

Then, over the Halloween weekend, as I was folding 3 piles of laundry on the bed with my ever-supportive husband, while my children were bouncing off the walls from a candy-induced sugar rush, I broke down again.  

Can I just say…tears are a breakthrough. So please, by all means, go ahead and cry your eyes out (especially if you’ve been holding it all in lately for whatever reason).

I’ve had some great self-tapes lately, and I haven’t heard anything yet, and it all just got to me.  You too?

I know as actors, we each put our whole heart into what we do, and sometimes it’s hard to let it all go and be present in the moment. (Yes, I struggle with this too).

So I made this video to quickly walk you through exactly what I do when I’m deeply frustrated (and how to release it in seconds).  And whether you use my method to deal with post-self-tape frustration or anything else that has been bothering you lately, I truly hope this helps you.  (And you enjoy my Halloween makeup filter).

Click the video below to learn my 2 step process for post self-tape meltdown frustration.  (I think you’ll love it!)

I hope this helps you to know that every actor goes through these kinds of moments.  

I don’t care how many credits you have, how long you’ve been in this business, or what show you’re were on for 4 seasons (Thanks, Atypical!)… we all go through it.

We all want to keep working, and keep shining, and keep thriving in this business. 

I want you to know that…

I don’t book every job I audition for.  No one does.  
No actor on the planet books every job.  Period.

So I hope the next time you find yourself in tears because you put your whole heart into something + it didn’t pan out like you wanted…you’ll use this helpful 2-step process.

  1. Punch something. (Not someone). 
    I prefer the air or a pillow.  Release the anger of what it feels like to do great work + hear nothing.
  2. Return to love. (Sooner than later)
    Return to why you’re doing this, what you do love about being an actor and how you can love yourself even more in the process. 

Then also remember that there is divine timing in it all, and what is meant for you cannot pass you by. But first, have a good cry, punch a pillow, and then return to love.

Let me know in the comments below what you do when you get frustrated about it all?

We really are all in this together.

Love + Gratitude,


P.S. I hope you are making your mental health a priority.  This creative warrior path is a roller coaster ride, and I love offering tools, support and guidance to enhance your well-being and help you thrive in your life and career. Enjoy “Easing Anxiety + Improving Well-Being” as my free gift to you.

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11 thoughts on “My 2-Step Process For Releasing Post Self-Tape Frustration”

  1. This video is so funny. I love the punching in the air. And, that the audio doesn’t match your mouth (or is that just my browser?). How you honestly express coming back to love…taking however long it takes…Gosh, I recently had a spate of really good self-tapes and heard NOTHING. NOTHING!

    Your video helps and reminds me that it’s simply a part of the business–doing good work and then hearing nothing. It happens. I enjoyed doing the self-tapes–was proud of what I submitted. I can breathe and relax…

    Thank you.

    1. YES! That’s exactly it. And the Halloween filter might have made things a bit off, but yes, punching it out + returning to love will always help. After I released all this energy, I ended up booking “This Is Us” a few weeks later. #KeepGoingSunshine. You got this.

  2. Nahanni Johnstone

    Love this!!
    The most important things for me are to not take it personally.
    To remember that I am really good at what I do.
    To keep busy with other creative projects.

    And I like the air punching, gonna try that too!!

    Much Love, Nahanni

  3. Wendy Doll,
    Was gonna email you direct but decided to watch it again and check in hon. This was the best most human and authentic advice about the frustrations about knowing you have done good work ( sometimes the agents and managers even say so) but then 0 feedback from the CDs is so debilitating. We developed as performers for AUDIENCES and not having even one or 2 people as an audience in the room has been debilitating to the sense when used to track via “how am I doing?” . Unless you used different honest readers or send your tapes for feedback at times . I actually do that when I am pretty damn proud of my tape and I want SOMEBODY to watch it and reply and give me a pat on the back after the typical 5 hours of prep, costuming, lighting, grabbing that friend to show up, edit and upload just the precise way they want it. So this blog video was so honest and vulnerable, and fun in your Halloween splendour and I could so so relate. I read an article recently about Toxic Positivity, and yeah we want to stay in Abundant thinking but sometimes its just not the right message when the disappointment is REAL
    (Toxic Positivity Is Very Real, and Very AnnoyingForcing ourselves or others to always be positive can be harmful to our well-being and our relationships. There’s a better approach.
    Read in The Wall Street Journal: Shared from Apple News)
    So thank you oxoxocaryn

    1. Thanks so much Caryn for your feedback. Always keeping it REAL here. We have to get it all out – all that emotion + then we can move forward. No need to place a “happy face sticker” over the pain, then we just rob ourselves of the release (and the depth of our own emotion). And I do love “punching it out.” Glad this spoke to you. 🙂

    2. Thank you so much for sharing this! I have been so frustrated taping on my own at home here in Atlanta, then hearing nothing! Then I finally got a callback for, then got put on first refusal for a commercial….then didn’t book it that, either! I spent most of that day crying and self medicating (with British detective series and popcorn), and wondering whether or not I’m in the wrong business! Knowing that other actors are going through the same thing us so helpful!! Many thanks!!

  4. Thank you for sharing this! I also have had some amazing kick-ass self tapes, and I haven’t heard anything. I find cooking or exercising helps because I enjoy it alot. Finding things you enjoy are so important because then your just in a funk and feeling lousy and wondering why, why, or what happened? The doubt starts to creep in while your bills keep stacking up. What is yours will come to you and nobody can take it from you!


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